Missing Home

It’s been such a long time since I blogged. Have been bloody busy with uni, 2 exams last week, another 2 exams this week. At the same time, rushing to meet deadlines of assignments. I find it so unfair that some people are doing more subjects than me but they only need to sit for one or two exams whereas I have to sit for all! Argh! Life has never been fair to me anyway.

I suddenly have the urge to blog due to the reason that I’m feeling down these past few days. I recall I attended the pre-departure briefing and there was this graph showing the “normal” mood someone studying overseas would experience. And currently I’m at the bottom of the curve. That’s exactly what I’m feeling now, very low. I’m beginning to miss home. Called my mum the other night and happy to know that she’s doing fine. She then queried as to how I’m coping here. I told her that everything is fine and dandy, not wanting to worry her. In fact what I wanted to tell her was that I feel very lonely. I’m quite unsure as to why I’m feeling this way. I know a lot of people here. I have friends. But I just have this feeling that everything is very superficial. I don’t have like anyone to turn to. When in Singapore I know I have genuine friends at my beck and call. And I feel like I don’t even know a good friend of mine here whom I’ve known for years. I mean we used to be so close (well at least I thought) and she used to tell me everything but now it’s like I never knew her at all. There’s just this kind of barrier between us now. I was quite taken aback when I found out (I saw for myself actually) that she’s hooked with this guy and this girl I know, or rather knew, would never do such a thing with such a guy. She didn’t tell me anything at all and I didn’t have the slightest idea there was anything going on between them. It’s really hard for me to explain but due to the fact that we’ve known each other for years, went through hardships, shared tears and smiles together, and other BFF things you know what I mean, I developed a sense of care and love, and feel somewhat protective, I don’t know something like that. So I feel like I’m no more than a superficial friend to her. Because of all these, bloody stupid irritating housemate, stress from uni, and other things make me feel very lonely and depressed. How sometimes I wish I could just fly back to Singapore to be in the comfort of my family and friends…